I left you a note
by Missy Holland
Summary: Part one in the suïcide series. 'She left a note and I don't know what to do anymore'


**I'm back evil grin but this one is a really angsty chapter. I don't know who the _She _ person is, and you can see yourself who the _I _ person is. This was so deep to write that I just didn't care who was involved. This is a story that came up to me once, and I typed it fast. My beta hasn't read this, this is a spontaniously created story, wich involves suïcide, just to warn you. Again thanx to Cara, Greg, Rachel and Sophie, and my sister Jammalot, you gotta read her stories!**

**Still don't own them**

'She left you a note'

The woman at the front desk hands me an envelope as I walk out. I don't bother to read it before I enter my house. I sit on the floor with my back against the couch as I open the letter. It's a poem:

I remember seeing it through a childs eyes 

_**Innocent and pure, no blood on my hands**_

_**But when you came along it changed**_

_**With your intoxicating kisses in my neck**_

_**Seducing the devil I knew I couldn't control**_

_**You howled with me for lost chances and lovers**_

_**But only to see the pain and agony I had hidden for so long**_

_**I revealed my deepest darkest secrets and you raped them**_

_**Because of you I'm afraid of dreaming**_

_**But then I got even and stamped you in the ground**_

_**I left you behind and you had not forseen that**_

_**I watched you creep and crawl in you blood**_

_**As I walked out of sight and left you**_

_**I memorise the world as Hell on Earth, and that it was**_

_**When the devil took control of my angelic soul**_

_**And I only wanted you to see the burns I would make**_

_**The words you said in those painful nights**_

'_**I'll never hurt you, your pain will be mine'**_

'_**I love you and nothing will ever change that'**_

_**As if you meant it, I thought so but it wasn't **_

_**I memorize that world as one of passion, passion but hate**_

_**Passion to survive, I hated it but couldn't live without it**_

_**I will always love your good sides……….**_

Tears roll over my cheeks as I read the poem, it's obvious about me. I get up and walk towards my bathroom and set up candlelights around the tub as I wait for it to fill. I dim the lights and burn some insence ( ? ) so it smells like flowers and other stuff. I grab a small box from the bedroom and undress over there. Naked i walk into the bathroom. I slide into the tub with the box in my hands and an envelope on the cabinet.

I sit in the water for several minutes and then I open the box. Inside, on a black satin sheet is a beautiful knife. It has a blue blade and a black handle and shimmers in the candle light. My body starts to shake with sobs, but I get myself under control before I get to scared. I need to do this, for me, for the others, but not for the one I loved the most. That's correct, loved, that is history, and the only person I trusted betrayed me and left me broken and with scars, though I never got the love returned. I showed my love in a way of pain and hate. I don't think my lover will ever realize that…. Never bothering to give me some credit and never showing any affection towards me, just me, to the others it was all sweetness. But not to me, and now I'm the one being accused of that. Though I'm guilty this isn't what I imagined. I imagined a life with that person and with two kids and a dog. Hell, I'd even settle with a cat. But back to business, before I get to scared.

I take the knife out of the box and turn it in my hand. It's cold, but it feels good, and I let the lemmet rest on my wrist. I apply a little pressure and manage to get a bit of blood. I can't feel the pain as soon as my mind wonders off to the depts of my soul, the place I always kept hidden, but right now I let all my desperate needs and fears out. I watch as a single drop of blood slides down to the tip of the knife and see it fall. The water turns a slight pink where the blood and the water mix, but it fades and soon there's no trace ot the drop. It seems to fit with my place in this rotten life I live. Tears are still streaming over my face as I cut harder and deeper, desperatly seaching for veins. I find one and the blood streams out. Before I lose to much I cut in my other wrist as well, and when I lay my arms in the water, it instantly turns red, it starts pink and after a while it gets crimson red. My favorite colour, but I don't notice it, I already went away to meet the ones that passed away in my life…………………………….

I hope you liked it, if you do you got to review this, even if it's total crap and you just wanna yell at me for that…………

**Peace out dudes and dudettes**

**Missy**


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